diaries of a non-conformist

Entry 2

June 22,2025

nights like this feel bittersweet

have you ever sat in an answered prayer and still felt like something’s missing

i thank the Most High every day

real gratitude

because i know this life i’m living now is something i begged for

there was a version of me on the floor

palms up

crying out for peace

for clarity

for space from the noise

and now it’s quiet

and i’m sitting in it

but still

the peace is layered

it’s in the distance between me and the mess i used to call normal

it’s in how i move different now

how i don’t react the way i used to

i feel myself shifting

like i’m meeting a new version of me every time i look in the mirror

i wonder who she is

they say every level requires a new version of you

but they don’t talk about how uncomfortable that process feels

like outgrowing your favorite skin

like grieving someone you’re still becoming

i’ve learned people will trigger you

not because they’re evil

but because they mirror something in you you’re not ready to see

and sometimes

yeah

it’s not even a mirror

it’s just wicked

principalities

projections

demons dressed up as “that’s just how i was raised”

i try to stay soft

to pray for people

but some folks are just reminders of why i got boundaries now

why i keep my energy sacred

why i check in with God before i let people get too close

i’m not perfect

but i’m self-aware

i’ve seen the dark parts of myself in others

and i’ve seen the light too

both are true

duality is real

but tonight i’m just

sitting with it all

the growth

the gratitude

the confusion

the ache

the version of me that knows i’m where i’m supposed to be

and still wonders what’s next

maybe that’s the real test

can you hold peace and longing at the same time

can you sit in answered prayers and still dream bigger

can you love the you that’s here

while reaching for the one who’s coming

i’m learning me, right now

©️hajithepoet

Bless! Thank you for reading.